worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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