he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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