Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just invented taco cereal.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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