it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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