i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you would pick up someone in the library
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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