did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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