i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
