i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
