Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
