dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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