Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
