Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
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but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
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Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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