she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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