That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize