I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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