just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
