how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
