It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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