I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
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Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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