Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
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I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
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Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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