I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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