peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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