if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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