C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
