Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize