if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize