he looks like a really good dad on facebook
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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