Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
