I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
