Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
