so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip ๐๐๐
Your skills amaze me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Stop saving videos when youโre using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks Iโm into that
Randomize
