apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
