6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
