I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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