i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize