Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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