paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
