So drunk its hurt
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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