i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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