remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
