I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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