I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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