I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
