i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
