Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
