We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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