I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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