I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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