these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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