I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
