sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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