I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
