I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
