My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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