My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
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Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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