So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
