grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
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how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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