Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
