Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
