Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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