In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Don't make out with my wife yet
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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