Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Someone signed my nipple.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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